Singers are selfish
Why you shouldn't date a musician
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's the fact that musicians actually live in a world of their own. In a world where there is no room for amore. Sure, a guy who looks like he invented Weltschmerz and the eyeliner suits you better than you are tempting at first glance. But let's be honest: musicians are not for you. In addition to hemoglobin and alcohol, the blood of a musician also consists of notes. The music is the turntable of the carousel, and you are the rusty seat without a bracket that no one is allowed to sit on. Of course there are always exceptions (which you are welcome to show me if one point does not apply), but I have not yet met any of these unicorns. Perhaps one should really use the cliché here and fish for a lawyer, doctor or liar. If you want to avoid heartache, handkerchiefs, discussions with psychologists and alcoholism, you should read our words carefully.
There is nothing wrong with healthy egoism, that's true. In addition to a rather unhealthy lifestyle, musicians also tend to have an unhealthy, even pathological egoism. What makes her so self-centered, I'll now explain to you with the help of a few sentences that I've had to hear from musicians: "Sorry that I won't congratulate you until one day later, but the night in the rehearsal room was so incredibly productive." "You will understand that I can't go to your parents when we go out with the band." The classic: "No, I can't go to the cinema with you and your friends today. I have a melody in my head." As you can see, everything revolves around you, your music and you are just something like the sidecar, which fortunately also has a pussy, should a creative dry spell creep in.
Photography33 via photopin cc
At some point you have to sell merch - like it or not
If you date a musician, you are most likely either pretty or you have one of those "special" model faces (tooth gap, too big eyes, freckles, three-lane eyebrows). And as we just learned, musicians are selfish pigs who will use your beauty for one thing above all else: merchandise. With the ulterior motive that you will attract at least a few horny guys and then, with your know-how, you will turn them on useless things such as buttons, too big / too small t-shirts and jute bags. Worst of all, you will almost certainly think that you are incredibly cool because you are selling merch from a band that actually played a concert in front of ten paying people.
Musicians are naive dreamers
It might be sweet for a few hours to hear him dream and talk about his great career, but let's stay on the ground: What is the chance of really making it as a musician in our little Alpine country? We're not in Sweden here, where music and musicians are actually promoted. He'll keep telling you that his next thing is going to be big - over and over again.
Musicians are not good in bed
Why? Because they are egoists.
You almost never have any money
If your date doesn't play as a "DJ" at weddings or, with a bit of luck, even in clubs, things don't look good. You will have to take him out to dinner, buy him clothes, and fund his legal addictions.
Photography33 via photopin cc
If your boyfriend isn't a solo artist then at some point you will not only be dating your boyfriend, but the entire fucking band
You have to realize that you are making a commitment. If your date is in a band, then you have to please not just him, but the whole band. The band is the judge of your love life, they decide whether you are worth dating their singer or whether you are a stupid cunt who should rather gain meters again quickly. When you are introduced to the band members, you should be better prepared than when you first met his parents. And the worst of all The insider shame. You will never understand them, you won't be able to laugh along, and you won't have a damn clue what they're talking about. You will feel left out forever. Of course, they will rush into your private life, every matter is theirs too. If you hurt your lover, the band will hurt you. Be warned.
At some point you will think to yourself: "Hey, if the guy sits on his unmade bed again without a shirt and plays" Creep "or" Sweet Home Alabama ", I'll rip the guitar out of his hand
You know it: the things that made your partner so wonderful at the beginning become exactly the things that make you want to spit in their face. Did you think it was cute that he played a little night music to help you fall asleep? Well, at some point you'll hate him for that. It will drain your last nerve, make you think about botox and make "pathetic" your most used word. You will look at it and there will be falling rocks inside you, a power plant would be afraid of you and if the guitar could, it would tear the strings off itself. And if you still have an inexhaustible romantic streak and you think that a guy with a guitar is the answer to all kitsch, then you've cut yourself: because first comes the guitar, then nothing comes for a long time and at some point - level with beer - then comes you.
Instead of taking your hand, he drums the next beat with it at the table
Your hand is only important to him when you are supposed to plane him or applaud him. Little touches, like brushing a strand of hair off your face, caressing your fingers or giving yourself a kiss without your lips convulsively building a duckface three centimeters in front of his face for two minutes, will rarely happen. Because: he is constantly looking for his next big thing. In reality you are a ghost.
dr snitch via photopin cc
As long as you are together, he will never write a song about you
a muse is pain, past love, the girl who was there before you. He will assert that his texts are dedicated to you and only you, but you will not only sleep with him, but also with countless other women or at least share your cock partnership with them. He can't even do anything for that. How are you going to be able to resist these girls in the first two rows when they x-ray you with their eyes and the phrase "I don't want to sleep with you, I want to fuck you" is written on their powdered forehead? To resist this again and again is almost impossible. In reality, that's not even an issue. What screams to be fucked is fucked. Unwritten (or maybe even written?) Musicians law. Loyalty will only somehow play a role in your relationship if his band is called Trust Is Radioactive Dust or Trust Disgust. The worst musicians are those who have wives and children and are around forty - they fry everything that even remotely resembles a woman. Even if you stand three feet away, he'll turn on other women. The positive: If you stay with him, underwear will already be there for you. Isn't it something?
If you criticize his music, you have to expect that nothing works anymore
He's going to feel stripped of his manhood and the only stand you'll see in the coming weeks is the music stand he humiliated and put in the corner. Even if he assures you a hundred times that you can tell him your honest opinion about his music: Never do that. It will break him, he will transform into a pile of misery and look for someone who really understands his music.
**Follow Noisey Austria on Facebook, Instagram andTwitter.Noisey Switzerland on Facebook, Instagram & Spotify.
Get the best of VICE emailed to you every week!
- How does philosophy comfort us?
- Is reading and writing a passive activity?
- What experiences have changed people's lives?
- What if the earth's gravitational force increases
- What equation is needed RF
- How many theaters are there on Broadway
- Are plant-based peppermint tea leaves fermented
- Is Sansa Stark a good ruler
- Why are people involved
- How do I install SharePoint
- What is a cartridge fuse
- Download Adobe CS6 Crack for Mac
- How did Fascist Italy see the Freemasons
- What are your unforgettable theater experiences
- What is Bob Marley's spirit animal
- Some video games are too realistic
- Chicken Parmigiana is considered kosher
- How do I reduce hyperactivity
- How does eBay have such cheap products
- Who is your most underrated rock front man?
- People like the company of introverts
- What is soda bicarbonate
- How do NH4 and NH3 react with each other?
- What is the best teeth whitening kit