Whatever happened to me
Why does this always happen to me?
Is everything going wrong with you right now, or do you know someone who is doing everything wrong? Then this post is for you.
Life is a roller coaster ride. There are times when everything seems to go well and then there are times when everything goes wrong. When things go wrong, we tend to ask ourselves the question "Why does this always happen to me?" At first glance, this question seems harmless and only too understandable, but at second glance, this question is slyly behind the ears.
The questions we ask ourselves direct our focus and our perception. When we ask ourselves “Why does this always happen to me?” On the one hand we focus on people for whom everything seems to be going smoothly and on the other hand we look for an answer that has no potential to solve our challenge. Because this thing is, even if we find a reason why this always happens to us, that realization doesn't help us escape the situation.
If we find the reason for our "unlucky tears", we run the risk of falling into a victim position, after all we now know that we can do nothing and that the "circumstances" are to blame for our situation. Perhaps you have also met someone who met this knowledge.
Do you know Knut?
It has been a long time since I knew someone who was struck by this knowledge. Let's call him Knut at this point. Knut was one of my customers. Knut was a likeable guy. Knut was one of the customers I always called when no one else was available, because Knut always answered the phone. But over time I noticed that there was something else at Knut that you could rely on: Everything always went wrong at Knut. No matter when I called him he always had a new disaster to report. If I had taken all of Knut's stories and written them down and published them as a novel, everyone would have considered this novel to be pure fiction.
Why does this always happen to Knut?
When Knut was still one of my customers, I always wondered how one person could have so much bad luck. At that time I couldn't answer the question. But in the meantime I suspect what was going on at Knut: Knut was convinced that he was always unlucky. If Knut had won the lottery once, he would have been sure that he would soon lose this money again. Knut was so convinced of his bad luck that he no longer noticed the good things in his life and if something went wrong, Knut knew that it had to happen. Through all his bad luck, Knut had "forgotten" to see the good. Knut knew that there was no one in the world who was more unlucky than he and could never leave his tears of bad luck in the years in which I had known him.
I am firmly convinced that it would have helped Knut to know that there is someone in the world who is more unlucky than Knut. Through this someone Knut would have had the chance to realize that everything wasn't bad in his life. He would have had the chance to change his focus and with a little luck Knut would have been able to see that there was a lot of good in his life too. To my great joy, I am that someone who was definitely more unlucky than Knut in
Paul Watzlawick: Instructions on how to be unhappy
encountered. That someone is called Mike Maryn and I'm sharing their story with you today so that people like Knut have the chance to see that they were still doing very well compared to Mike. Here we go:
Mike - the unlucky one
On 7/28/1977 a message about Mike Maryn appeared in the San Francisco Chronicles. The paper had dedicated the news to Mike because the writer of the news had never met anyone who was as unlucky as Mike. Mike was so unlucky that I want to put it here in the form of a small list. At the time of the article was:
- Mike has been mugged and robbed 83 times
- Mike's car has been stolen 4 times
Although these numbers are incredible in themselves, the first number hides something even more incredible: Mike was not only ambushed by really dangerous robbers, but also by little boys, teenagers and women. When the reporter asked the police about Mike's bad luck, they couldn't give any reason other than that Mike was always in the wrong place at the wrong time.
For my part, I could bet that after each robbery, Mike wondered why it always happened to him.
Focus on happiness
It's been a long time since I last asked myself why this always happens to me. Since I stopped asking this question, my life has changed massively. Of course, something happens in my life that is not necessarily desirable, but I have decided to focus on happiness.
When I tell people about the things that have happened to me in recent years, many are speechless. They imagine how they would have acted in my situation and I can see on their faces that they would have been desperate. I've had moments of desperation too, but I've gotten into the habit of looking for the good things in difficult situations. Each and every one of these situations made me grow. Each of these situations has shown me that I could do things that a few months earlier I never thought I could do.
If something happens to me today, from the start I focus on the things I can learn from the situation. When I found out in 2018 that I had to accompany someone who was very important to me to the hospital for some time in 2019, I was desperate at first. The next moment I took my heart and decided to use this hard time to finally learn how to enter a hospital without fainting. So instead of focusing all the time on the fact that I was about to pass out, I focused on the patient all the time. Thanks to this focus, I was able to stay in the hospital a little longer every day and now a hospital visit only costs me a tired smile.
No matter what, I know you are great. I know you can do it. I know you can do it. I believe in you. Remember: life is a roller coaster ride because heroic stories that always go well are dead boring. So if something difficult happens to you, it is only because life wants to give you a heroic story.
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