Which things are getting harder to find

Why is it so difficult to find true love?

We all want to love and be loved. We experience different types of love from parents, siblings, friends, and others. However, most of us also want to find someone special with whom we share a deeper level of love. Finding true love can seem incredibly difficult, and it is often difficult to understand why. A big question to ask yourself first is, "What is my definition of true love?" Understanding what we mean by "true love" can help us see what we are really looking for and why it works or not.

Many societies use the word love very cool. Love is often associated with intense feelings that are, in truth, self-centered and noncommittal. In many movies and TV shows, we see characters who follow their hormones and have sex before the wedding. When "love" is superficially rooted in pleasant emotions or physical feelings, it turns off as easily as it was turned on. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience good feelings toward the person we love, but if that is the basis the relationship is, the relationship is in trouble. If the kind of "love" we see in today's sex-heavy culture is what we're looking for, it's no wonder that it seems difficult to find true love; it is not true love that we are after, but an experience that by nature cannot last long.

The Bible gives a very different picture of love. True love is from God - indeed is he love (1 John 4: 8) - and he is the one who sets in us the need to love and to be loved. This is why it is crucial to understand your plan for love. True love, according to the Bible, has its roots in sacrifice, in the obligation and in the impulse to support the loved one (see John 15:13). God's love for us led Him to the cross. We know for sure that Jesus did not experience "happy" emotions on his way to the cross (Luke 22: 42-44). The Bible describes our relationship with Jesus as that of a bride and a bridegroom (Matthew 9:15; Ephesians 5, 32) True romance is designed to lead to and grow within a marriage obligation (Genesis 2:24) and should be rooted in self-sacrificing love (Ephesians 5:22; 25-28).

Lots of things could make it difficult to find true love according to God's plan. Here we focus on some of the major obstacles we face:

To think that there is only one "right" person for us. It's a lie that can scare us into settling for less than the best. Waiting for the perfect "soulmate" can take a long time. Whoever we want to marry will become the "right one" for us because we are committed to this person for a lifetime. The Bible has narrowed the field: our true love must be a believer who lives for the Lord (2 Corinthians 6: 14-15); moreover, God will give us wisdom and insight (James 1: 5). Wise, godly people who know us well can also help us find true love.

To think that a person will or can fulfill us. Only God can really fulfill us, so we don't have to find romantic love to have a sense of fulfillment in life! Neither of us is perfect, and to expect another imperfect person to meet all of our needs is unrealistic, unhealthy, and can only lead to disappointment.

Not being ready to change or grow. It is easy to imagine what kind of person we would like to be in love with, but how much effort do we put into becoming that type of person ourselves? We all have our own problems that we must, with God's help, address in order to be the kind of person He wants. It can be tempting to think that finding true love will magically solve these problems. But being in a close relationship with someone won't solve our problems; it is more likely that they will be more clearly expressed. This can be a rewarding part of the relationship as iron sharpens the iron (Proverbs 27:17) when we are ready to change and grow. If we are not ready to change, the relationship becomes strained and could eventually be destroyed. That doesn't mean that every personal issue needs to be resolved before the wedding. Rather, we should learn to ask God to show us what things need to be cleaned up in our lives (Psalm 139:23). If we become what God wants us to be, we will be better suited to all relationships.

To think that it is too late to find true love. Finding true love and getting married is not easy to take. It is better to be careful than to make a quick and reckless decision. The Song of Songs warns three times: “Do not wake up, do not disturb love until it pleases itself” (Song of Songs 2,7; 3,5; 8,4). God's timing is always the best.

We know that God cares about our desire to find true love. When we completely surrender this wish to Him, we relax and stop trying to realize true love ourselves (Matthew 11: 29-30).

Love is an essential quality of God, and he shows us in the Bible how real, true love works. Redefining love or trying to find it outside of God's plan takes frustration and disenchantment. Surrendering our desires to God, submitting to His will and finding our fulfillment in him are the keys to the search for true love. "And if you have lust in the Lord, he will give you what your heart desires" (Psalm 37: 4).


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Why is it so difficult to find true love?
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