How can I avoid getting into a dispute?

No more arguments! Avoid conflicts with this trick

“It always takes two to argue,” says a beautiful saying. But is it really that easy to avoid conflicts? "Yes", claim experts and give you a tip that is as simple as it is ingenious, with which you will never again have arguments with your colleagues.

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1. Controversy is booming
2. Harmony starts with you
3. All social relationships consist of taking and giving
4. No more arguments with this simple trick
5. All's well that ends well?
6. Never ignore conflicts

Dispute is booming

Wherever people meet, sooner or later conflicts will arise. These can range from minor disagreements to systematic bullying. Controversy is booming in the media and German companies are desperately looking for mediators. Conflicts in the workplace are of course not a new phenomenon. Controversy is just as old as humanity itself. At the moment, however, public awareness of conflict, bullying or a “culture of debate” seems to be increasing. Seminars on the subject of "conflict management" spring up like flowers in the first rays of sunshine in spring. However, critics are now throwing a whole new theory into the room: You can avoid conflicts with a simple trick and conflict management becomes superfluous.

Harmony starts with you

In fact, an argument (almost) always involves two people. A harmonious togetherness and a good working atmosphere therefore begins with every single employee in a company and thus also directly with you. The problem is:

Many employees have never dealt with the subject of “conflict” or “dispute”. They take this for granted, struggle through everyday work or, in the worst case, change employers.

A survey published by Statista came to the frightening result that just 57 percent of all respondents have heard of mediation at all. And that doesn't even mean you can define them.

You can find more statistics at Statista

However, the primary goal should not be to settle disputes. The earlier a conflict is recognized, the earlier it can be resolved and an escalation prevented. It is best to avoid the conflict completely so that it does not arise in the first place. How it works?

All social relationships consist of taking and giving

It sounds like an inflationary adage, but instead stands for an age-old piece of wisdom that we learned from our parents in childhood: Whoever wants to take must also give. Or: As you call into the forest, it echoes out. The first step towards a harmonious relationship in professional and private life is therefore to reflect on our own views and behaviors and to change them if necessary. Often we follow unconscious patterns that we have acquired in childhood or through life experiences, and thereby provoke conflicts in our environment without wanting to or even noticing. Especially if you get into the same conflict situations over and over again, you should check whether the cause is perhaps your own. Here is an example:

Let's say you have a new work colleague. His confident demeanor, his eye-catching glasses and his stature remind you of an ex-partner who hurt you deeply, or maybe of your bully from school. You will subconsciously think to yourself: Oh no, there are bound to be problems. With this expectation you approach the new, unsuspecting and perhaps extremely personable employee. From now on you will weigh every word he says on the gold scales, snub yourself over his demeanor or wait for him to make a mistake. Or you immediately feel personally attacked and hurt by his cautious and constructive criticism. All of this without realizing that you are projecting the words and deeds of people from your past onto these new work colleagues. The result: a subliminal and / or open conflict.

As you can see, the way you approach people - consciously or unconsciously - influences your relationship with one another and can give rise to conflicts. Conversely, this also means that you can use the same mechanism to avoid conflicts.

No more arguments with this simple trick

If you want to avoid such (unnecessary) conflicts in the future, you need to change your attitude towards the people concerned. The trick is:

Only talk good about other people!

This may be easier said than done, but from now on you should work steadily on speaking only well about other people. After all, there is something about everyone that you like, even if it's just their new blouse. And if not? Then be silent! By only speaking well about other people, you are sending two important signals:

  1. You will listen to yourself as you speak, gradually developing a better image of the other person.
  2. Your colleagues realize that you are looking for harmony instead of arguments. They will then come to you on their own, address conflicts earlier or seek advice from you.

These two signals avoid conflicts on the inner and outer levels. Should they arise, the mechanism mentioned is the fundamental basis for a solution to the problem, forgiveness and forgetting and a better relationship in the future. And by the way, you are becoming even more popular, because don't you prefer to spend your time with a happy, calm and meek person who focuses on your strengths and is also willing to forgive once in a while? Or with someone who is upset about her colleagues every day, always looking for mistakes and blaspheming behind her back?

All's well that ends well?

In reality, it is unfortunately not that simple, otherwise mediators would soon be unemployed and conflict management seminars superfluous. Arguing doesn't always take two. Even if you pave the way for a harmonious coexistence, the other person can cause a conflict. If you do not enter into the dispute, the conflict will simmer subliminally. As is well known, bullying only involves one person, sometimes a group of people. No matter how well you, the victim of bullying, speak of the “perpetrators”: the situation will not be salvaged so easily. You should therefore use the trick to improve your quality of life. Stop being angry about little things, approach people openly and try to avoid conflicts. However, if these arise nevertheless, you have to solve them early and if possible professionally, for example with the help of a mediator.

Never ignore conflicts

Avoiding conflicts means not letting them arise in the first place. If you instead simply ignore an already existing conflict, you enter an escalating spiral. Sometimes even unconsciously, because conflicts are not always recognizable at first glance. The first signs of a conflict, with you or with a colleague, can be:

  • Withholding information
  • social cold
  • "Be offended"
  • Blasphemy and defamation
  • exaggerated, feigned friendliness
  • hypothermic politeness
  • To ignore
  • Sluggish or interrupted flow of information
  • Avoiding eye contact
  • verbal attacks

The sooner you address the problem, the better. How? We explain that to you in the article “It was his fault! Addressing and resolving conflicts on the job "Until then, we wish you a lot of fun trying out the" trick "and we look forward to your personal experiences.

Photo credit: Just dance / Shutterstock.com

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