Why do I always miss my boyfriend

Missing my boyfriend - how can I learn to let go?

Psychomeda> Online Counseling> Life Counseling

Sandy (f, 18) from Cologne: Hello, I've been with my boyfriend (17) for almost 1 month now. My problem is that I miss him so much that I suffer from it. Even if it's only 1 day, I miss him way too much. I also start to cry sometimes because I miss him. But it also needs time for itself and I don't want to restrict it. Sometimes I'm fine when I manage to distract myself, but often when he's not around I don't feel like doing anything.

We see each other about 4 times a week or more. I don't want to rush him either, he always asks me if I have time and since I'm on summer vacation until vocational school starts, I have a lot of time.

Our relationship is going very well because we get on so well and we have a lot in common, it's the best thing in the world for me to be with him, he feels the same way, he says. He is very important to me and I don't want to ruin our relationship.

I wonder if I have any illness or something, because I don't know anyone who has such big problems with it and my friend doesn't find it so difficult either. I can understand that too, because a few days are not a lot. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe I see everything just too emotionally, which is sometimes a good thing. My boyfriend even says he's flattered that I miss him so much.

What can I do so that it is not so difficult for me? and do you think I have some kind of illness? I always ask myself how it is with me.
Kind regards, Sandy

Response from the Psychomeda therapist team:

Hello Sandy!

I think it's great of you that you contact us here with your question and your current problem. It takes courage and you have shown it!

At the beginning I can reassure you: I think you do not have a disease or the like in my opinion. This problem, or let's better call it a “challenge”, can be cured or mastered without medication or treatment.

I currently interpret and describe your situation as follows: You have only recently been together with your boyfriend and you have a crush on both ears. You would like to see each other non-stop, spend time together, exchange caresses and just be together. Most people who are newly in love feel the same way, and it was exactly the same for me when I remember falling in love with my wife. So in my terms it is normal if you miss your friend extremely at first. Like I said :-)

I would like to give Sandy the following advice and tips:

1. Think positive! Whenever you feel bad because you miss your friend a lot right now, think about the moment you see him again! Think how excited you are about this moment and how happy you will be when you hug it again. Think of beautiful moments that you already had with your boyfriend and imagine all the beautiful things that you can still share and experience together.

2. Distraction! If you feel that you are getting sad because you miss your boyfriend so much, then do and think of something else! Meet up with a friend, take a stroll through town, grab an exciting book, and while away your time. I am sure the time will be more bearable and will pass much faster until you can see each other again!

3. A signal and let go! Let your friend know that you miss him and that you long for him. Send him a text message or a small message and express your current feelings - and then try to let go of the feelings and move on to another task.

4. Time heals all wounds! You will see that the extremely painful feeling that you currently feel when you miss your boyfriend will gradually decrease. When you've been together longer and have gained more trust in one another, missing out will become less painful.

Dear Sandy, I'm sure you can do it! Please give me a little feedback whether my advice has helped you ?! I would also be happy to receive a review from you.

Until then

Best regards
Christian Einig

Assessment by the questioner:
Thank you for taking the time to deal with my problem, Christian Einig. Your answer calms me down and will certainly help me further.