What is a maturity in the friendship relationship

6 signs you should end a friendship

The big difference in friendships over 40: Unlike when you were 20 or 30, you get to know fewer potential new friends with increasing age and at the same time have less time (and energy) to maintain existing friendships. Constantly chasing after others or having to apologize for every little thing is far too much of a hassle with a busy schedule and loads of obligations in work, family and partnership. Good friends should rather ground you in turbulent everyday life and give you new strength, instead of stealing energy and nerves. It is all the more important to recognize in good time at which point a friendship has passed its "best before date". These six signs suggest that you should draw a clear line or at least think again critically about the value the friendly relationship really still has for you:

1. The friendship has become one-sided

Do you contact a friend significantly more often than he or she does with you? And when you talk to each other on the phone, does the conversation usually revolve around each other's problems, while your worries are played down or not even addressed? Such an imbalance in a friendship is a clear signal that the common ground is crumbling - and it is high time to do something about it. Talk to your friend openly about the fact that you lack balance in your friendship, but that regular and equal exchange is important to you. If he or she then shows no initiative to change something in the situation, you know that it is okay to lose sight of each other - or to consciously break off contact.

2. They keep in touch only out of habit

Speaking of contact: In the case of long-term friendships and especially if both friends have a very limited time budget due to work, family and the like, communication is often based on "scheme F": You write a short update on WhatsApp every week, and you make a phone call once a month for half an hour or write a few nice lines on your birthday. If you notice that the two of you don't have much more to say to each other and you don't care to hear or see each other more often, you should draw the consequences and the meaning of this friendship, which actually resulted in a loose acquaintance has become, reconsider.

3. The trust is gone

Regardless of whether your best friend or a good buddy lied to you, let you down in an emergency or exposed you in front of others: Once the basis of trust that defines every harmonious interpersonal relationship has been broken, in many cases it can no longer be restored. You no longer want to confide in a certain friend the things that burden you because you fear that she might pass on intimate details? Or do you have the feeling that you can no longer rely on a once close confidante if there is a real need for it? These are clear signs that the friendship has been permanently damaged and relaxed interaction is no longer possible. In this case, there is no point in recalling positive shared experiences from the past - without mutual trust, the friendly relationship will sooner or later no longer work.

4. You don't miss each other

A week without your best friend used to seem like an eternity - after all, you shared every detail of your life. But for some time now you have found yourself thinking about them only seldom and not missing your meetings or long phone calls? You don't miss the other person even during important events that you would have liked to share with them before? Then you should be fair enough to admit it honestly - and openly discuss it with your girlfriend. Maybe she feels the same way. In this case, the better solution is to end the contact amicably.

5. Friendship is a burden instead of enriching it

Every time you have met a friend or talked to each other on the phone, a bad feeling remains in your stomach, for example because she only "dumps" negative things on you, criticizes you in a hurtful way or puts you under constant pressure. Or do you now find it annoying to get in touch with a friend who would otherwise be angry with you? As soon as a friendship no longer enriches your life, but has become an annoying routine or even psychological stress, it is high time to change something about this situation - and to draw a line.

6. What connected you is missing

Many friendships that last for years or decades are based on similarities that have an "expiration date": studying together, working together or having children who go to the same school, for example. If this link breaks - for example because you change jobs, move to another city or the children fledged and leave home - it can happen that the friendship suddenly begins to falter. When you have reached a point where you are no longer on the same wavelength with such "life companions" and can easily do without contact, it means: be fair and, if in doubt, rather actively end the friendship than fizzle out to let.

By the way: According to a current study by the research and marketing platform YouGov, around 70 percent of Germans in a friendship are particularly important to be honest with one another and to be able to talk about everything. In order to end the contact with a friend, you should therefore seek direct conversation and openly address the reasons why the relationship has lost value for you. On the other hand, “breaking up” with friends via WhatsApp, email or social media such as Facebook is anything but fair - you don't give your counterpart a chance to express their feelings or to address personal reasons for developing the friendship.


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